Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
