He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
