I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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