Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
