Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
