I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
