Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
