I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
