By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
