hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
