Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
