he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
