they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
