Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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