Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
