im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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