I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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