And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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