eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
