so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
