what day is it and did you see me today?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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