1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
