Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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