I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
