WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
