There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize