I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
