is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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