You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
