My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
