we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
