haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
