So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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