I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
how drunk are you?
Several
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
