I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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