if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
