I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
