After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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