he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
