Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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