So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize