I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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