I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
