So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What drink are we having for lunch?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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