i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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