It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
