Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
