And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
