he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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