He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
