he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
