I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
