do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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