i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
