I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
