whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
