I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
