Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
