You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
