Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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