just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Come see our sink grown plant.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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