Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
