I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
