Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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