Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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