I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
