My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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