no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
