I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize