is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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