Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
