Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
