Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
