K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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