im having a threesome with these popsicles
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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