nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
