oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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