So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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