I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
