I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
