I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
