if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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