Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
