She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
