Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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