Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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