it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
