it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
