Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
