So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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