Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
