She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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