Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
