his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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