last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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