You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
