He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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