areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
